Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Is this jkoke funny?

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.



2. In the memo field of all your checks, write %26quot;for sensual massage.%26quot;



3. Specify that your drive-through order is %26quot;to go.%26quot;



4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of %26quot;Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip...%26quot;



5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.



6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. %26lt;



7. Speak only in a %26quot;robot%26quot; voice.



8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.



9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will %26quot;swipe your grub%26quot;.



10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.



11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.



12. Sniffle incessantly.



13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.



14. Name your dog %26quot;Dog.%26quot; 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions %26quot;to keep them tuned up.%26quot;



16. Reply to everything someone says with %26quot;that's what YOU think.%26quot;



17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your %26quot;astronaut training.%26quot;



18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for %26quot;violating your airspace%26quot;.



19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a %26quot;real hoot.%26quot;



20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.



21. Practice making fax and modem noises.



22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and %26quot;cc:%26quot; them to your boss.



23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.



24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.



25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a %26quot;spider person.%26quot;



26. Finish all your sentences with the words %26quot;in accordance with the prophesy.%26quot;



27. Wear a special hip holster for your

remote control.



28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.



29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.



30. Disassemble your pen and %26quot;accidentally%26quot; flip the ink cartridge across the room.



31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.



32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.



33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you %26quot;like it that way.%26quot;



34. Drum on every available surface.



35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.



36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.



37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.



38. Sew anti-theft detector strips

into peoples backpacks.



39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.



40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.



41. Set alarms for random times.



42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.



43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.



44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a %26quot;croaking%26quot; noise.



45. Honk and wave to strangers.



46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.



47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.



48. Tape pieces of %26quot;Sweating to the Oldies%26quot; over climactic parts of rental movies.



49. Wear your pants backwards.



50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.



51. Begin all your sentences with %26quot;ooh la la!%26quot;



52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.



53. only type in lowercase.



54. dont use any punctuation either



55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.



56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.



57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.



58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.



59. Write %26quot;X - BURIED TREASURE%26quot; in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.



60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.



61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: %26quot;Do you hear that?%26quot; %26quot;What?%26quot; %26quot;Never mind, its gone now.%26quot;



62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.



63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.



64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.



65. Demand that everyone address you as %26quot;Conquistador.%26quot;



66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.



67. When Christmas caroling, sing %26quot;Jingle Bells, Batman smells%26quot; until physically restrained.



68. Wear a cape that says %26quot;Magnificent One.%26quot;



69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.



70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.



71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.



72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce %26quot;no, wait, I messed it up,%26quot; and repeat.



73. Drive half a block.



74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.



75. Ask people what gender they are.



76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.



77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.



78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off %26quot;in case the big one comes%26quot;.



79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as %26quot;Feliz Navidad%26quot;, the Archies %26quot;Sugar%26quot; or the Mr. Rogers theme song.



80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.



81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.



82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.



83. Change your name to %26quot;AaJohn Aaaaasmith%26quot; for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each %26quot;a.%26quot;



84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.



85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.



86. Wear a LOT of cologne.



87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your %26quot;superior mental processing.%26quot;



88. Sing along at the opera.



89. Mow your lawn with scissors.



90. At a golf tournament, chant %26quot;swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!%26quot;



91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your %26quot;imaginary friend.%26quot;



92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.



93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something

about %26quot;psychological profiles.%26quot;



94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a %26quot;magic picture.%26quot;



95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.



96. Never make eye contact.



97. Never break eye contact.



98. Construct elaborate %26quot;crop circles%26quot; in your front lawn.



99. Construct your own pretend %26quot;tricorder,%26quot; and %26quot;scan%26quot; people with it, announcing the results.



100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.



101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.Is this jkoke funny?
way too long, didnt even read it, condense thisIs this jkoke funny?
Im gonna add one to your list:



102. Tell this joke on Y/AIs this jkoke funny?
Yeah, it's pretty good.Is this jkoke funny?
Nope.Is this jkoke funny?
Thanks for the great ideas.....my co-workers are going to hate it...lol



my fav is singing christmas carols during the summer until they can't get them out of thier headsIs this jkoke funny?
Liked it - but as some-one said toolongIs this jkoke funny?
no i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really didnt like it...no offenseIs this jkoke funny?
i liked the ones that i could read... it was just taking too long... but otherwise good... i will star and read in my spare timeIs this jkoke funny?
ok yes its preety funny but not all the way just a little bit like a tiny bit well mabie?Is this jkoke funny?
Don't know about joke but you appears to be smiley.Is this jkoke funny?
I hope that several people collaborated on this collection because if one person thought of all these bizarre things then that person (1) Has too much time on his/her hands (2) Is extremely creative (3) Is mentally unbalanced or (4) Is destined for a brilliant career...cant' think of 100. I could not read though all of them today but I thought if I give an answer I can save it for later to read.Is this jkoke funny?
nice thats pretty funnyIs this jkoke funny?
kinda long

i couldn't finish reading itIs this jkoke funny?
Could be shorter.

How do I go about removing a gem module on a 2003 Ford Expedition?

Here's the long and the short of it. I had my windshield replaced yesterday by a company due the fact a rock had cracked it this paste weekend. Key point: I had never had the following issue with my Expy until then. After the windshield had been installed, I was told not to move the vehicle for 1 hour, and the tech left. I stuck my head out the door, and hit lock on the remote twice just to make sure it was locked(I was at work). The vehicle didn't beep. This was odd since I punched the remote twice. So I walked out too it, trying to beep the horn with the remote the whole way. No luck. When I got out to it, I opened the door and found that the dash warning lights were all on, heater fan was blowing, and the radio was powered up. I had never seen anything like this, so I put the key in the ignition and tried to start it. Nothing. No turnover, nada. Called the glass company and they sent their tech back, but all he wanted to say was that it wasn't his fault, yada yada yada. He had the doors open while he was doing it, so I though he might have just killed the battery. But we tried to jump it off, nothing. Had a mechanic come out and check the battery itself, nothing. Plenty of charge. The local garage mentioned that he had heard about there being a lot of problems with GEM's, and that might be it. So I came home last night and started reading on the net. Sure enough, all the symptons I'm having are just like what people who have had them go bad dealt with. My hypothesis is that when he broke the old windshield loose, the snow and moisture that had accumalated ran down the a-pillar and fried the GEM(it had flurried here all morning. I made it clear to the glass company that we could use shelter, but the tech never asked). So here's the root of my question. I called the dealer and was told that a new GEM module would be $208, and a new fusebox would be $190.41(these apparently are also a problem, and while this is being done, logic says change it.) Labor to put them is would be $280, for a grand total of $680. So here's what I want to know:



*Would it be easier for me to remove the gem and replace it myself? It seems easy to get to, but if it has to be reprogramed, is there any point in me doing it?



*Should I also replace the fusebox as well, or would that be a waste of money. Note that the dealer or mechanic haven't actually had it out yet, so I assume they'll know if it's messed up.



*Does the water from the windshield theory make sense? I had never had any problem with them occuring UNTIL that windshield was broke loose.



Someone let me know. I appreciate the help.How do I go about removing a gem module on a 2003 Ford Expedition?
Seen many gem's go out because of windshield leaking on them. Unhooked battery, remove 2 large wire harness connectors on back of fuse box, remove screws in front that hold fuse box, watch, slowing remove fuse box, and unplug gem module wires, then remove fuse box and gem together, make sure that there is no water in the fuse box also.

Is an '05 Honda Civic Sedan DX-G SE worth $13,888 CAD?

Is an '05 Honda Civic Sedan DX-G SE with 53,500 KM (33K miles) worth $13,888 Canadian?





See, what happened was, we got this '04 Honda Civic Sedan DX for $10,527, but the dealership kind of messed us up. Apparently, it's an uncommon thing (though, at this point, how well do we trust them?) It's a 5 star Honda Dealership, and they have a 7 day exchange policy. They didn't change the battery, so it died, the engine is really rusty, and there's minor windshield damage they didn't mention (the car was dirty when we test drove it, it looked like dirt).



So, we go to exchange it, and there's a new (used) Civic that was just traded in, half the mileage, and a year younger, with some extra features (like power locks). But, it's going to be $3,817 more with tax and the paperwork fees.





Before we go through with it, I wondered as to your opinions, being as I'm wary of making a mistake again. Cut our losses with a vehicle we know is messed up (they did replace the battery free of charge, so really just the rust now), or take a chance on a newer vehicle for $4K more?



Thanks for your help.Is an %26039;05 Honda Civic Sedan DX-G SE worth $13,888 CAD?
I think a used Honda is a relatively good investment. When purchasing from a dealer you should take a hard line with the price. Be firm. Be almost rude if you need to be with the sales staff, trust me they wont get offended personally. This deal seem off by about 2500 US. Rust should be your buzz word when asking for a much lower price 3800 for tax and %26quot;paperwork%26quot; is more like 1500 taxes and 2300 off the top profit.

Honestly I have no clue....?

A woman finds the front windshield of her car covered with ice at -12.8掳C. The ice has a thickness of 4.60 10-4 m, and the windshield has an area of 1.25 m2. The density of ice is 917 kg/m3. How much heat is required to melt the ice?



this problem is listed as easy, but I'm stuck have no idea how to do it. I know you should use the formula Q=mL or change temp=Q/constant*mass%26lt;%26lt;confused how volume plays into this problem!!Honestly I have no clue....?
You're right about using Q = mL.

First find the volume of ice, then you can find its mass.



Volume = Area * thickness (it's a rectangular solid).

Once you have this volume, multiply by density to get its mass.



First, before the ice starts melting, you must heat it to 0 degrees C. So use Q1 = mC(12.8 deg C).



The second part is melting the ice. Use Q2 = mL, using the mass you obtained above. Add Q1 and Q2. Watch your units.Honestly I have no clue....?
Find the mass of ice using Density/Volume=Mass

then you Q=mct Energy = mass* specific heat* cahnge in temp

don't forget to the the cahnge in phase from ice to water by its heat of fushionHonestly I have no clue....?
There are two steps to solve the problem.



First figure out the volume of the ice.



Second figure out how much the temperature of the ice will need to increase to melt the ice.



1 cc of water needs 1 calorie to increase it one degree. That is the important conversion.Honestly I have no clue....?
Use



mass = density*volume.



You have the volume of the windshield (1.25*4.6*1e-4) and you can look up the density of ice at that temp.Honestly I have no clue....?
all the energy she can get out of her defroster turned on high.

A stationary ....?

A stationary 0.1-g fly encounters the windshield of a 1200-kg automobile traveling at 120 km/h. (a) What is the magnitude of change in momentum of the car due to the fly? (b) What is the magnitude of change of momentum of the fly due to the car? (c) Approximately how many flies does it take to reduce the car's speed by 1 km/h?A stationary ....?
Momentum is mv or mass times velocity, now the fly has zero momentum initially and the car has 1200kg * 120/3.6 m/s = 40,000 kg m/s of momentum. Now due to conservation of momentum and with the assumption that the fly gets stuck on the car and begins to travel with it as the same speed all you do is say [ 40,000 = (1200 + 0.0001) v ] to solve for the new total velocity. Solving this you get v = 33.333330555555787037017746915188 m/s.



The change in momentum in the car is 40,000 - (1200*33.333330555555787037017746915188) = 0.0033333330555555787037017746915188 kg m/s.



This momentum change for the fly is 33.333330555555787037017746915188*.0001k?= 0.0033333330555555787037017746915188 kg m/s. (The same as that for the car)



To reduce the cars' speed by 1km/h you do this calculation: 40,000 = (1200 + 0.0001*x) (119/3.6)... solving for x gives 100840.33613445378151260504201681 flies or 100841 flies to be practical. So it takes just over one hundred thousand flies to reduce the speed of that car by 1 km/h.



Cheers
  • ittwit
  • extension to sqltableprovider
  • My question?

    A stationary 0.2-g fly encounters the windshield of a 1200-kg automobile traveling at 110 km/h. (a) What is the magnitude of change in momentum of the car due to the fly? (b) What is the magnitude of change of momentum of the fly due to the car? (c) Approximately how many flies does it take to reduce the car's speed by 1 km/h?My question?
    momentum conservation

    before =after

    1200*[110km/h]+o =(1200+0.0002)V (move together with V)

    V = 109.999 km/h

    change in momentum of auto = 1200(109.999-110) = 0.0018 kg*km/h = 0.00051 kg*m/s



    change in momentum of fly= 0.0002(109.999*5/18) = 0.0061 kg*m/s

    ----------------------------

    let n flies would be needed (auto speed 110 to 109 km/h)

    1200*[110km/h]+o =(1200+ n * 0.0002)109

    n * 0.0002 = 11.009

    n = 55045.8

    or n = 55046 as 55045 would not be able to doMy question?
    The answer to a, b and c is that the flies missed the car...case closed. =%26lt;)

    Typical car maintenance questions!?

    1. When do you change your oil?

    -My step-dad always told me around 4-5k miles.



    2. How many miles a year is considered good?

    -I heard it was around 15k/year.



    3. Windshields doesn't spray water. How do I fix that?

    -I heard you just stick a needle down the pipe thingy to clean out dirt. But I already did that. Do I need to add the liquid under the hood? Is it %26quot;Windshield Washer: summer+winter cleaner %26amp; anti-freeze%26quot;???Typical car maintenance questions!?
    1) see owners manual, every car is different.



    2)Kelly Blue Book says 12,000 mi.



    3)add windshield washer fluid ONLY to the reservoir under the hood.(it will usuallly have a blue or yellow cap, and has a symbol of a sqirt of water.Typical car maintenance questions!?
    Most cars come with indicators that glow when parts or substances need replacements. There are also repair shops that offer free routine check-ups to attract customers. However, bring a friend that knows cars well with you, so you don't get scammed about your car's condition.



    In my experience, an average commuter typically goes around 12k a year. It depends on where you live and where you work.



    Hope it helps and good luck to you.Typical car maintenance questions!?
    Refer to your owners manual that you should have gotten when you purchased the car. The manual will tell you exactly when and how to change all your fluids and tell you the recommended brands and types of fluids to use. As far as you windshield washer fluid goes if it doesn't work after you filled the washer fluid reservoir then take it to tour local repair shop.Typical car maintenance questions!?
    Change your oil every 3,000 miles



    12,000 is a normal amount.



    Does pump make noise when doing it? If yes tank is empty or hose is plugged or disconnected or something like that. If pump is not working it's either a bad pump, bad connection or blown fuse.



    Get blue windshield washer fluid and dump in tank under hood labled washer fluid.



    Antifreeze is green or red only for radiator or resivoir under hood.Not for windshield. Make sure you put washer fluid in correct tankTypical car maintenance questions!?
    1) 4 to 5K is very good, depending. If you have a clean engine, and want it to stay clean, I would change it that often. If you go over, I wouldn't stress about it too much. (Modern oils are much better than they used to be. Quite often you'll hear to change your oil every 3K, but it's no longer necessary since the oil is so much better.)



    2) I'm not quite sure what you mean by %26quot;good miles%26quot;, but I believe the national average is about 12k/yr. I would suggest that there are many factors that go into the longevity of a car. Miles are important, but how easy those miles were is also very important, as is the maintenance the vehicle received.



    3. If you have a friend with you, try opening the hood and checking for fluid in the windshield washer fluid resevoir. If no fluid, then you know what to do. If there is fluid, have your friend try to spray the windshield. (Key should be ON, but the motor needs to be OFF. Stick your head under the hood and see if you can hear the little pump trying to spray. If you hear it, then you probably still have a clog somewhere. If you can't hear it, then you might want to have someone investigate the possibility that you need a new pump.Typical car maintenance questions!?
    1- change regular crude oil every 2-3k miles. synthetic can go 7500-8000 miles.



    2- 12k miles/year is average.



    3- be sure you have washer fluid in the reservoir. if so, have friend place ignition key in on position with engine off and hood open, he pushes washer button and you listen for pump under hood %26amp; check for no leaks in any of the hoses which lead from plastic tank to window sprayers. if you hear pump %26amp; see no leaks, have a gas station use an air hose and spray it into the small vent hole atop the washer fluid fill cap while you are trying to use the washer. guaranteed the washer will then work.



    -kenTypical car maintenance questions!?
    change oil every 300 miles.



    12 thousand driving miles per year is the national average



    to repair windshield washer first check to make sure you have fluid. if you do then locate your pump. if it does not run when the switch is operated then check to see if you have power going to the pump. this can be done with a test light or multimeter. if you have power but the pump isnt running then you need to replace the pump. if you have fluid, power to the pump, and the pump runs, then you have a clogged line or spray nozzle. locate the clogged line or nozzle and either clean it out or replace. I would recommend replacement.Typical car maintenance questions!?
    Oil Change:

    If you have an older car then you might want to stick to the good old 3000-4000 mile oil change. If you have a newer car you should be good for 5000-7000 miles. It's just the way the newer engines are made nowaday. For instance nowadays it's easier to fix a car with a computer than with a socket wrench.



    Miles a year:

    12000,15000 sounds about right though I think averages has been going up. Actually I'd probably say it's not all that uncommon to see cars with 15,000 - 20,000 mile averages nowadays. Warranties like GM's 5yr/100,000 mile warranty make more sense than Hyundai's 10yr/100,000 mile warranty. I had a Hyundai, and I hit 100,000 miles at around the 5 year mark.



    Windshield Wipers:



    You either have a dead pump motor, no prime for the pump, leak in the system, or no fluid. Do you hear your motor? If so then perhaps theirs no prime/seal for the pump. Try pouring some water down the nozzles to get it to build up seal. (My 95 Suburban is like this sometimes, when I %26quot;prime the pump%26quot; it works fine for a while). Otherwise you may have a leak in the system. So your pump is pumping fluid, but it's squirting out somewhere before it gets to the nozzles. Of course you may just be out of wiper fluid. If you ever go to the snow, I recommend sub-32 degree fluid. Even if you live in a hot area for most of the year, it's that one time of the season where it gets really cold that matters. I always for get this and every time I go up to Lake Tahoe, I fine myself without my windshield wiper fluid until it melts again. It'd be easier to have it in your vehicle all the time.